It is always interesting to go back and reread the things that I have wrote in my journals. Yesterday’s message is one that has come through a lot. I know I have wrote about it many times. Sharing authentically in this space, and how I was going to do so, but only kind of did.
I recently went to this wonderful session with a lady who practiced releasing family constellations. I cannot speak much more until 40 days from the gathering, but it definitely helped me release the lingering fear that I was holding onto, in appeasing my family, and others, to a debilitating degree. I cannot wait to share more with all of you of what this process and practice looked like. But I have to wait 40 days. That is all for now. 😉
I will be going back May 19th is was so amazing.I just love experiencing new things in this magical world.
I may not be able to talk about the session but I can talk about some of the things that have happened after, little things that are showing me this false feeling of fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) is dissipating.
I think most highly sensitive people suffer from some form of anxiety in one way or another, throw that in with a wild imagination and sometimes one can create wild scenes in their mind.
I never liked to put my hand even near the garbage disposal. I always held this fear that it would magically turn on and get me. I could feel the anxiety rise up my throat if something accidentally fell in and I had to retrieve it out. There would be times I had to call Eric if it got too far. Nope, not doing it. Then this happened.
The kids and I were baking our egg shells from breakfast to later put in our raised beds. A good chunk of shells fell in because I had removed the stopper and was not paying attention. Whoop, my hand went in the hole not a thought about it. No butterflies, no pit in my throat, wow I didn’t even think about it. Each day as the session settles I see more things such as this. Little tiny adjustments in my constellation of that question being released! Wonderful. God is pretty amazing. The beings created, us, pretty freaking awesome.
The further I go toward this path of my existence I am elated to meet more “like me”. I am blessed to be able to help others tap into their magic, just as this lady helped me further in mine. Everything in each of our lives hold purpose.
Many that I work with are going through several challenges in life. Life seems to be being “unfair”. I can assure everyone of all the people I have been blessed to know on a very personal level, we all process and deal with traumas and struggles in some form. No one can escape this in this form. NO ONE. I think there are times that people think when I say that we have choice to move beyond the difficult problems I am also telling them to be naive and act like they don’t exist. This is not the case.
We must process and allow the negative emotions. The difference, I no longer view anger and crying as a negative emotion, it is a process of releasing. One that I have learned does not need to be so volatile. Crying, anger, they are forms of release. When one finds different avenues to release and communicate, it WILL take a different form. There are also times we just need to scream and cry! And that is okay!! Just don’t live there.
We have to allow the lessons to come through. I choose to take them now with a positive view. My anxiety gets the best of me still from time to time, but with each time I also calm myself and see the light sooner and sooner. It is possible. We can tell a situation is healed in our lives and that we have overcome them when we can talk about them and not cry. Now, this is more the case for those who cried all the time. If you are typically not one to cry ever, than the opposite is true for you. You probably need to learn to soften and allow yourself to feel the pain. Allow yourself to release.
This leads to a great point. This is simply my journey. The musings of mystical being called Shanda. Haha! But, it is true. I hope what I have learned and grown to understand can help some one, any one. We all cope and process differently. What worked for me, may not work for you. That is okay. This does not make you strange or weird. It makes you, YOU!
Remind yourself, we are all doing the best we can, with what we have, where we are. This life is not a race. Nor a competition of any sort. I know it seems like that around every corner. Pressure to be this, pressure to look like that, pressure to be. Take a deep breathe in. Look at yourself in the mirror.
Say, “I hold the key. I am, that I am! I am beautiful”
Say it until you believe it. This is where it all began for me. It works, and eventually new mantras and information will come. Life will open up to something magical everywhere one goes. Remember this does not mean we will not grieve or be absent of sadness and negative emotions ever, but one does acquire better ways to cope.
I also see now the need for me to not talk about my trials until I truly healed them. Some say you have to fake it till you make. I say sometimes we just have to try another way. I hated myself for so many years. Only talked about the negative. My life, my soul and vibration needed a change. It was part of my process, some could view it as fake, and that is okay. It worked. By preaching and being a broken record in the positive tone it rewired and trained my brain. Among many other things. Isn’t that freaking amazing?
As I said before just because it worked for me, does not mean your personality type will like it that way. Rock out your process, find your mantra, and live it! We are complex beings on a human journey trying to process many things. Things most people don’t want to even try to comprehend.
This space has always been for me. Another avenue to write. I was putting that pressure out there that I had to heal the world. I think many are feeling it. This can’t be done behind a screen. It is why I volunteer and do the things I do in this life. I suppose there was a part of me that also thought people don’t want to hear about your uninteresting life. (EGO talk) Yet I read countless tales of the lives of others. Wait a second, that is exactly what people want. To relate. It’s not so much my existence. But, its the ability to relate.
One more reason we need the “shitty” things in life, to relate. Compassion in this form would not be that if we didn’t know what it truly felt like to hurt, fear, and lose.