Love; it sure can be a finicky state. I have come to learn in my short existence of life that love is a state of being. Some may disagree with this next statement, all I know, I have proven it to be true in my life; we cannot truly love another, if we do not first know love ourselves, for ourselves.
I used to be the kind that searched for it another. From a young age I was “involved” in the hopes to find love. I thought I knew love. I had such a skewed version of love present in my life. Sure, I now see I was fond of those people in my past,but there was no way I could really love them, or show them real love, because I hated myself so much. Sure there is puppy love, and the love you feel for family, but that is the thing you are merely feeling it, not really experiencing it or living it.
I was judgemental, because I judged myself daily. I nagged and picked fights to test the love of whomever I was with, this is not love. Sure, these years were from the age of 14-18 of course we all had things to learn in the world of love; what we like in someone, what we don’t like. But, did we ever stop to think about the other side of the equation; self.
If I teach my children anything about love it will be that you cannot know it, until you are, it. Shortly after I turned 18 I had my oldest daughter. It was her that taught me love and to love myself. Not in the beginning, I had postpartum and I was mad at the world, mad at myself, and everything in between. I was not a nurturing mother through her first months. Thank goodness for my mother and my amazing sisters from other misters, they saved me through this time. Double thank goodness for my mother, she showed my sweet baby girl the love I was not ready to give. Please don’t skew this, and think I did not love my daughter, but I know I could not properly show it. So, I let my mother do it, while I got my shit together!
Kiki showed me my anger, she began to show me who I really was and wanted to be. Because of hardships in life I merely shut down and began to hide who I really was. See, I have always been this person, we all come to this world as beings of love, in a state of love. But, we may not remember, or the acts of others may cause us to store it for a later date. Kiki, helped me remember. She helped me see that I could no longer live in fear, that I had to start living for her and I, that I had to start coming back to a state of love. It took me almost to a year of her life to figure this out. It was not an immediate thought process. Same with the journey back to love. It takes work, lots of work, but the ride is worth it; the work is worth it!
Here I am now at 29 and I cannot even believe that I lived that life, SO long ago. Really, it feels like eons ago that I was so disconnected from everything. I do not curse or wish I had not experienced anything in my past. All of the hardships have lead me to this very moment. I would not have the tools and the things to relate with so many of my clients if not for that time in my life. I would not know true love, real love, if I had not experienced real hate, and real anger, and real sadness, and fear.
Often we search for “another half”, I say no more to this, should we not search for someone who is whole? Is it not better to have two whole people come together to enjoy this journey and live together in love; in love with themselves and in love with the life they get to spend with one another, all the while sharing the beings of love they are.
We can look at anything with loving eyes if we live in a state of love. For example, there was a period in my life where I dealt with an alcoholic and lots of abuse, during that time I hated every fiber of this being, both in the other person and in self, as I grew back to the state of love we are created in, I began to see that this other person was living with a disease and their own fear, they were processing and going through there own tools to help them along their path. We merely had to live together. I also saw that I too needed the strength and courage I would gain from this part of my life. All of this changed when I began seeing it from a state of love. The wounds began to heal.
Love really can change the world. If we all make it a goal to step back into beings of love we are, think of what life could, and would be; if was all lived in a state of love. We are humans, living the human experience so this does not mean crappy things won’t happen, but I can tell you that love makes everything not so crappy. When we keep the faith in spirit and our existence, and what we came here to do, magical things happen, magical things make things turn around. It really is about your perspective friends. I have lived both sides. I often tell those who I help that if they do not believe me, do like I did, and test it. Test the other way. Try it out. If life is hell and you hate every minute of, try the other way! What have you got to lose?
STOP living for others, and START living for self. When you do this, you will be better for others…so it is a WIN-WIN! For everyone. When I began discovering the love being I was I became a better mother, lover, friend, teacher, helper, EVERYTHING, I became whole; I became better.
Love yourself. At the end of the day we really only have ourselves. Sure, I have LOTs of people in my life that I know would be there for me when and if they could, but ultimately I have to live with, ME. I have control over, ME. The same applies for you. Are you taking the time to give yourself the love you seek? Why seek for it in another when there is someone waiting to give you all the love you need; Yes, that person is YOU!
Love, love, LOVE, LOVE yourself; and watch the rest just fall into place.
I leave all of you with some pictures of some of my little beings of love, and one really tall and handsome fella. These pictures are from our excursion to learn about permaculture! Super; cool!!
Sending lots of love to all of you!! Big bear virtual hugs all around!!
Kisses~ Shanda KHere is our little man, Khai, is ready to go on a nature walk and learn!
Picture of some sun-tubes on this shed, a great way to bring in heat. The gentleman that owned this property was very knowledgeable, a master naturalist, he showed us many trees like this one where he grafted a number of different fruits to the trees. He had one pear tree with 19 different pears on it. Crazy! I believe this particular tree was a pecan and hickory grafted together. The reason for this combination is the hickory creates a harder shell so the birds won’t be able to eat all the pecans. Don’t worry he left some trees ungrafted with hickory so the birds had some pecans too! Our big girl, Kitty, learning about a Chinese Chestnut. My handsome guys! This is a poor picture of witch hazel. We learned that witch hazel makes a great dowsing stick; for finding water! One of our furbabies, Manini. Awe, my sweet guys again. I have many reasons to love. I am great at loving them…because, well, I love myself! BE selfish, and love yourself, take time for self, and live your dreams and desires! Live in love, find the being of love that you are and tap in. Have a wonderful day!!